Yesterday and into this morning I realized how overwhelming my pride had become. Because of my pride, I crushed a girl at work – being frustrated and annoyed when I had spent time on a project that seemed wasted.
But I know this pride is result of the selfish ambition I have that puts my faith in myself instead of God. I know it is just a result that I’m finding an identity in work – why else would something so simple have affected me so?
This morning I didn’t have any space left in my journal so I opened another – and flipped to a random page. The page was all about selfish ambition – a sermon about how even the disciples struggled with this in Mark – and how if we don’t deal with it we will miss the gospel, we won’t mature, we will constantly live for our value in our performance.
One of the passages listed was James 3: 14-16. As I flipped there, I realized in red letters, written by my grandmother (I sometimes read her bible) – it said “Read James”. Underneath the chapter, there were several verses underlined. The one that struck me as particularly moving was this:
Dear brothers, is your life full of difficulties and temptations? Then be happy, for when the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow, and don’t try to squirm out of your problems. For when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything, strong in character, full and complete.
So, it looks like I’m going to be reading James.