The month of February is bittersweet. It’s the reminder of the call last year that changed everything: a diagnosis of Muscular Dystrophy for our daughter, along with the celebration of both children’s birthdays to remind us we have been blessed with another year with them.
It feels surreal : like sometimes it’s been forever and sometimes feels like yesterday. Like I still may wake up and it’s all a bad dream, rather than a reality slowly unfolding before me, uncovering layers of grief I never knew existed.
While I still feel like this journey is just beginning, I do feel as if God has carried me a long long way.
Through this year, God has been continually revealing to me that my sorrow is directly connected to where I put my hope. In the most loving way, he has been changing my perspective from what I see right in front of me to what I can’t see.
Perhaps our biggest fears in life boil down to this central fear we all share: Will life throw us a struggle that we can’t see around or through? How common is it for us to compare our situations to others and let out a sigh of relief, “I am glad that’s not me”.
The reality is – most of us at some point will be faced with sorrow that feels like it will never end, or an obstacle too big to navigate around. Our situations look different, but our fears the same.
While deep down I still wish it all was a dream, I have seen a strange connection of grief and joy, weakness and strength, and darkness and light that I have never realized before. I have learned that only God’s salvation can connect these opposites, redeem them, and develop purpose through them.
For this, I am deeply grateful.
For it is you who light my lamp, the Lord my God lightens my darkness. – Psalm 18:28