Yesterday was one of those days. I was overwhelmed by everything. I cried at the drop of a hat. I said things I regret.
We recently became a family of four just a couple of weeks ago, and as I was sitting in the chair nursing our brand new baby girl, all I could think is, “I. am. so. tired”. In the next room, I heard my 3 year old son screaming to his Daddy because he wanted to get up early from his nap. With every thought, all I could keep repeating to myself is, “I. am. so. tired”.
A nap or two later (that my husband insisted me take), a few calls to other young mothers, and a tiny little prayer and a night later, and I woke up today feeling like the cloud around my emotions had lifted but I was left with a nagging feeling that I kind of just blew it yesterday. I missed truly walking with God through this whole mothering thing. With such inward feelings of self pity, I kept thinking, “how is God going to use my life for anything other than this “survival mode”?
I opened a couple of devotionals I live by. My Utmost for His Highest, and Jesus Calling. Here is what I was able to cobble together as a couple answers to what God wants me to learn about his will for me in this particular life stage I am in.
Learning to Thank God in All Circumstances
I have an amazingly blessed life, but often fall into self-pity or self-hatred when circumstances aren’t ideal or comfortable. Since pregnancy and motherhood are FILLED with situations that are uncomfortable and stretch me beyond my capacity, God’s will for me in these moments is to simply stop and give thanks.
Do not bolt into this day like a racehorse suddenly released. Instead, walk purposefully with me, letting me direct your course one step at a time. Thank Me for each blessing along the way, this brings Joy to both you and Me. A grateful heart protects you from negative thinking…
In everything give thanks, for this is My will for you.
-Excerpt from Jesus Calling (based on 1 Thessalonians 5:18)
It’s interesting that God’s will for me could be as simple as recognizing what he’s already done.
Feed His Sheep
In John, Jesus asked Peter if he loves him, and then gives him the commission to feed his sheep.
This commission feels broad and confusing to me at times. What does feeding his sheep mean for me? Does feeding my 3 year old count? Is it physical or spiritual feeding, or both?
He is not offering us a choice of how we can serve him; He is asking for absolute loyalty to his commission, a faithfulness to what we discern when we are in the closest possible fellowship with God…
The call is to be faithful to the ministry you received when you were in true fellowship with Him. This does not mean there is a whole series of differing ministries marked out for you. It does mean that you must be sensitive to what God has called you to do, and this may sometimes require ignoring demands for service in other areas.
– Excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest
Understanding what his commission means for me simply requires me to be in fellowship with him. It also means I must inquire or ask him to show me what it means for me. One day, it may mean simply feeding my 3 year old. Another day, it may mean sharing encouragement with another tired mom. And today – when I asked him – I got the nagging feeling he wanted me to take the time to write my first blog post in years.
My prayer is that all of us tired moms may use this time in our lives to rest in Jesus, learn to praise him for what he is doing in our life, and to be constant in prayer over how we may follow him in our day-to-day struggles.