I took a small period of time off – not on purpose, but because for two weeks I was sick with the death virus, and then of course had to make a mad dash to catch up.  The only way to explain the “death virus” is that it mentally robbed me of any ability to think or interact, or drive!  I walked around drunk the whole time.  Sounds fun?  Believe me, I thought it was surely a permanent disease.

So lately it seems that no matter how much time I have, I feel like I’m on a treadmill of sorts, just trying to keep up enough and watch my step so I don’t come crashing down (I’ve done that time and again in real life).

To give an update: In the time of the death virus the townhome we were so close to purchasing slipped away:  the bank wanted more than we wanted to pay and they pulled their offer all together.  While I still feel a twinge of regret,  I do know that God knows what is best for Billy and I, and I have a hunch that he also knows the time in which the 23 year old water heater in the attic was going to burst.

So on I go.  It’s about 30 some days until the wedding, so I’m in countdown mode and crossing my fingers that I don’t forget some mundane detail.  I don’t think that the big stuff has been really hard for me to get out of the way.  Once my invitations were printed it only took about a night to get them out the door.  It took me a weekend to get the reception site, caterer, and baker nailed down.  Our honeymoon was booked in December.  Those things were fun, they were quick decisions to make and then they were set with a deposit to forget about until about right now.

So now I’m in the time of planning for the Martha Stewart details.  I’m sure that is what causes brides to morph into bridezillas.  It’s adding one ribbon here, and one ribbon there – and before you know it, you are stressing out about how many freakin ribbons you need to tie, rushing out to AC Moore because you’ve run out, and realizing that you added another unnecessary hoop to jump through before you can get married.

So my prayer lately is that I can focus on the real aspect of getting married, instead of all of this crap.  I  know it is very much a distraction, and I can feel that my devotional time with God is being robbed daily.  Even my morning ritual is slowly being pushed back 5 minutes here and there as I decide to check my emails, or start a project that I know I won’t be able to finish.

I also look at the weeks and I can’t believe how soon it is.  When I say that to people they look at me like, “Yes, you HAVE been engaged for 1 year”, as if I’ve been engaged this long and not thought about the actual marriage part of it.  But I’ve been dating Billy for 4 and 1/2 years now – so when I think of 30 days, I think that the time I’ve looked forward to is right before me.  Years of anticipation built up, and to be honest it seems so odd that it will be over and done with in one day and my life will radically change – and our relationship will go even deeper.

That to me, is exciting.  I’m so blessed to have more to look forward to than one day that will come and go – and bows that nobody will notice.  Instead, God has given me a relationship that has grown into a deep partnership.  I’m loved and supported now, but he is giving me the security for the future as well.